front page frustrations

If I’m jealous of my friend, does that make me a horrible person?

In a few days, the first edition of The Chronicle for the school year comes out. It’s the first edition I’ve ever been a part of, and I’m incredibly excited. Except… I don’t know if I’m eve going to be in it.

Now, this is a struggle for me. I’ve always been able to get in what I put out when I work hard, and I was hoping this would be just the same. I spent more than one night working past midnight solely on this story. I’m proud of what I came up with, especially seeing as this wasn’t my first choice for an idea. But I worked through it.

Now, come to find out, my story has no accompanying visual, and I have made absolutely no changes to it. Everybody else has made cuts and additions to their stories, sometimes both. I’ve heard nothing.

This has led me to believe that the story I worked so hard on has been cut. I don’t have official confirmation, but I have a gut feeling that it’s gone. And that kind of breaks my heart. It was the first story I had a chance with, and it might not even be in the paper.

Meanwhile, one seat over from me, my closest friend on staff has written her first article as well. It’s getting the front page.

Of course I’m happy for her; she’s my friend and she’s succeeding. But a little part of me is jealous. What if I had been the one in that chair, getting the front page? What if I had written a better story.

But then I realized, that was me. All summer, I was taking on stuff, going above and beyond. I remembered people saying they were jealous of me. But now the tables have turned, and I am thinking that way of other people.

There will always be good days and bad days. There’s always somebody doing better than you, and always somebody doing worse. And I’ve started to come to terms with that. I may be wishing for that front page spread, but Calista has earned it. She worked just as hard, if not harder, on her story than I did.

So when Friday comes around, you will find me cheering her on. I may look through for my story, but she has gotten her moment — and everybody knows she deserves it. And I’ll still be proud of my first little story, because it’s only the beginning of something amazing.

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